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Hooking up with an ex is risky behavior that can lead you to get hurt all over again, but it can also give you a thrill to hook up with someone that you used to date. If you want to start dating your ex again, that's one thing, but if you want to know how to hook up with your ex girlfriend, then it's a whole different ball game. To do it successfully, you have to keep things spontaneous, make sure you're both on the same page, and have fun without getting hurt. If you want to know how to do it, just follow these steps.
Steps
Method 1 of 3:Get Ready to Hook Up with Your Ex-Girlfriend
- 1Keep it spontaneous. If you want to hook up with your ex without any strings attached and to have as much fun as possible, then you have to start off by being spontaneous. Don't call her or text her, asking what she's been up to. Instead, you should run into her at a club, a party, or just out in the middle of the day, and start charming her and letting her know that you want to hook up.[1]
- Enough time should pass so you get rid of any anger or lingering resentment or bitterness.[2]
- Don't give her a puppy-dog love gaze. Look her up and down and let her see that you think she looks hot.
- Be blunt. Ask her to come over or wait for an invitation to go to her place.
- Enough time should pass so you get rid of any anger or lingering resentment or bitterness.[2]
- 4Make your intentions clear. Before you even touch your ex's lips with your own, you should make your intentions and expectations clear. Tell her you want to hook up without any strings attached, that you're not looking to get back into the relationship, and that you just want to have a little fun. Let her know that you only want to see her to hook up, not to do all the date-y stuff that leads to hooking up.
- Don't be a jerk. It's not cool to lead on your ex, hook up with her again, and then tell her that you're not really looking to reconnect.
- 5Make sure you're on the same page. Keep in mind that, when you're about to hook up with an ex, it's pretty unlikely that you're both on the same page. That is to say, it's almost always the case that one of you is still hurt, still reeling, and still emotionally vulnerable from the break up. It could be the case that she dumped you and you're pretending that you want to hook up when you really just want to get back together, or that she's totally hung up on you while you just want to get her in bed. But if you really are looking for the same things, then it's safe to go for it.[3]
- Think about how serious the relationship was in the beginning. If you were only together for a month or two, then you're both much more likely to be okay with just hooking up than you'd be if you dated for a year or two.
- Make sure you're both okay with also hooking up with other people. If you're not, then why not just get back together?
Method 2 of 3:Hook Up with Your Ex-Girlfriend
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- 1Make sure you only hook up. Though it sounds harsh, if you're going to hook up with an ex, then you should only hook up with her.
- Be honest about it. Don't make an excuse every time your ex wants to go somewhere public with you. Tell her that you're not looking for anything other than hooking up.
- 2Hook up sparingly. Hooking up with your ex can be fun and exciting, but that doesn't mean you should do it every night, because guess what? That's starting to look like a relationship. If you're basically only hooking up with your ex, then you're not letting yourself meet other girls or have any fun on the side. The more time you spend together, the more likely you both are to be hurt, so keep it fun and spontaneous instead of setting a hook-up date for every night of the week.
- Keep it fun and spontaneous. If you see her out, then take her home. If not, then don't call her or text her to find out where she is. You're not supposed to care that much, remember?
- 3Don't get too comfortable. It can be tricky to hook up with an ex without feeling too comfortable.
- No cuddling, no passionate kisses as you leave, and no hanging out around the house in sweatpants eating cold nachos from the night before. All of these signs show that you're too comfortable in the non-relationship and that you're on your way to dating again.[4]
- This doesn't mean you should tell your ex exactly what to do; you should find a time and place that works for both of you, but you shouldn't fall prey to her needs.
- No cuddling, no passionate kisses as you leave, and no hanging out around the house in sweatpants eating cold nachos from the night before. All of these signs show that you're too comfortable in the non-relationship and that you're on your way to dating again.[4]
- 5Keep your new relationship private. Don't hang out with your ex in front of your friends, go to a party with her because she doesn't want to show up alone, or tell your friends that you've been hooking up with her again. The more people you bring into it, the more complicated things will get, and you should keep it simple -- just between the two of you.
- If you start going out in public with her and hanging out with her friends, they'll immediately disapprove and tell your ex that she should set the terms for your relationship.
- If you bring her out in front of your friends, then she'll start to feel like your girlfriend again.
- 6Avoid 'lovey dovey' stuff when you're hooking up. Maybe when you were dating, you would be tender with your woman, telling her how beautiful she is, how much you love her, and how much you love the little dimples in her cheeks. Well, all of your Romeo-moves have to go out the door at this point, or she'll get the wrong picture. She'll think, 'He said I'm beautiful -- he must still love me,' or 'He ran his hands through my hair -- it has to mean something.' By doing this, you'll be leading her on and making her feel like you still want to date her.[5]
- 1Stop if one of you starts developing feelings again. Unfortunately, it'll be hard to keep hooking up with your ex without having one of you develop feelings for the other person again. As soon as that happens, you'll have to push the eject button on the non-relationship, or things will only get worse from there. Unless you're still really in love with your ex and are using your hook up moves to win back her heart -- incidentally, a terrible idea -- you should cease and desist the second you or she shows signs of having feelings.[6]
- If your ex tells you she misses you, sends you sweet (not sexy) texts, or says she wishes you could do some couple-y things together, then it's time to bow out.
- If you have to end the 'relationship' for this reason, explain yourself first. You shouldn't be a jerk just because it's over.
- 2Stop if one of you starts liking someone else. If one of you starts developing feelings for someone else, even if you haven't pursued that person, you should end up the hook-up period. Hooking up with your ex is something to do when you both want to get some action and are bored because there are few romantic prospects in your lives. But if one of you does start liking someone else, it's time to stop hooking up so you have room to explore those feelings.[7]
- If you start liking another girl, she won't want anything to do with you if she knows that you're hooking up with an ex-girlfriend.
- 3Stop when you've fallen into a routine. Hooking up with your ex should last a month or two at most before things start to get more serious. Even if you're both trying as hard as you can to keep things casual, if you've fallen into a rhythm, basically feel like you're dating, and know exactly when you'll see each other next, then it's time to stop hooking up. If you know when you'll see your ex next, and you stop feeling a thrill at the prospect of hooking up, then the fun is over.
- You can't expect the hook up to last more than a month or two without it leading to something more. Be realistic.
- 4Stop if you start fighting like a couple. As soon as you start fighting again, you should end the relationship. If you're not actually dating, then you shouldn't be fighting. It's that simple. If you hear her say, 'Where is this taking us?' or 'What does all of this mean?' Then she's already back in relationship mode, and your hook up sessions have gone too far. You shouldn't be fighting about anything one of you is doing wrong, because you should only be hooking up, right?
- It may be tempting to fight with your ex again if you're used to it, but remember that it won't lead you anywhere except back where you were -- a bad relationship.
- 5Stop if you're no longer having fun. The whole point of hooking up with your ex is so that both of you can enjoy yourselves, get some sexual pleasure, and have fun without any strings attached. If you're not feeling the hook up anymore, if you feel like you're only in it out of obligation, or if you're hooking up with your ex just because you're bored, then it's time to start looking for someone new. You weren't having fun before and that's why the relationship ended.
- Be honest about ending the hook-up session. Don't just start avoiding or ignoring your ex. Let her know it's time to move on.
Community Q&A
Add New QuestionAsk a QuestionInclude your email address to get a message when this question is answered.Tips
- Be comfortable and make sure she is too.Thanks!
- Take your time.Thanks!
- Be fun and funny.Thanks!
Warnings
- Give space or they will be pulled away.Thanks!
- If you're always with them 24/7, they will get bored (even in a real relationship).Thanks!
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- ↑https://medium.com/@bowenstewart/how-to-get-ex-back-into-your-bed-a3b67b997960
- ↑https://www.health.com/sex/hooking-up-ex
- ↑https://uk.askmen.com/dating/player/57_love_games.html
- ↑https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-new-resilience/201005/the-differences-between-hook-sex-marital-sex-and-making-love
- ↑https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/sex-with-your-ex
- ↑https://www.health.com/sex/hooking-up-ex
- ↑https://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2012/09/10-reasons-why-you-shouldnt-hook-up-with-your-ex/one-or-both-of-you-is-dating-someone-else
About This Article
wikiHow is a “wiki,” similar to Wikipedia, which means that many of our articles are co-written by multiple authors. To create this article, 21 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. This article has been viewed 312,262 times.104 votes - 70%Updated: March 14, 2020Categories: Former RelationshipsArticle SummaryXIf you want to hook up with your ex-girlfriend, approach her spontaneously. Try charming her at a party or letting her know when you happen to meet up during the day. It’s important to make your intentions clear, since you don’t want to give the impression you want to start a relationship again. Tell her that you’re just looking for a bit of fun, which will help avoid any hurt feelings afterward. Remember to keep your hook ups private, since people might start assuming you’re together if they see you hanging out again. Remember to limit your hook ups, since you’ll risk getting back into a relationship again if you’re both getting together too often. For tips on how to tell if continuing to hook up with your ex is a good idea, read on!
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